Stephanie's Birthday

Today, in 1978, I was preparing to go into the hospital to give birth to our 3rd child. Harry had gone to work, Deanna was in school, Melissa was playing in the living room, and I was in the bathroom wondering if I was just peeing, or if my water had broken...

I called my cousin David's wife, Mimi, and she was able to watch Melissa so I could visit my doctor to see what was going on. I was very close to my due date, so we were pretty sure today was the day.

To make a long story short, after a day of organizing children's care, house needs, etc., I entered the hospital, was prepped, and laid around several hours until push came to shove! And then I was holding my beautiful baby girl, Stephanie Marie. She was healthy, had all fingers and toes she was supposed to have, and was, like I just said, beautiful!

The new chapter of our lives was being written as we lived each day with our girls. Watching them grow; frustrations, joys, sorrow, happiness, worries, peace; the many emotions we went through watching our children develop into young women were part of our lives as parents and we embraced them and made them a part of our history.

We have been through many chapters with these three women and the book is still being written.  This year, today, we went through our daily routine of getting Stephanie and Kara out the door for work and school.

I was driving Kara to her school when I realized I had not told Stephanie happy birthday. The feeling of sorrow was so strong in me. It's not that we have forgotten her birthday. How could I ever forget?

Because of the activities that take place every Tuesday, we decided to celebrate Stephanie's birthday yesterday. When we picked up Kara from school, we went to WalMart and bought a few presents and the makings for Stephanie's favorite meal. I make round steak in brown gravy with rice and green beans. Harry and Kara made a brownie cake. Melissa helped Kara wrap the presents.

Stephanie came home surprised that we were celebrating that night, but she had a good evening. The food was very good (even if I say so myself), we sang happy birthday and ate the brownie, took pictures, and Steph opened her presents and liked what she got!

So, this morning, knowing it was her birthday, eating a birthday brownie for breakfast, and packing her lunch with leftovers from her birthday dinner,  I still did not speak the words... and we need to hear the words spoken...

So, to my dear daughter on her birthday...I love you so much. We have enjoyed you for 33 years and pray the Lord blesses us with so many more. We hope your day will be filled with happiness (even though you have to work). God bless you with His riches. Know you are loved.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, STEPHANIE!  HAPPY BIRTHDAY, STEPHANIE! 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, STEPHANIE!

Summer Happenings

Shortly after I wrote the last entry, I had to come to the very hard decision to allow trained professionals  to take care of my mother, a nursing home! It was so hard to accept and mom is still having a hard time accepting where she now lives.  We found a very nice, small facility close to our home so we can visit often. The staff there have fallen in love with mom. She really is a sweet old lady. Everyone there assures me that in time mom will settle down, make friends, and enter into the daily goings on around the center. I am praying and waiting for that day.


I am still going to physical therapy for my shoulder, and the therapist is still causing me PAIN! There are enough exercises for me to do, that I am there for two hours, three times a week.  I come home and drop! But, I know if I did not go there, I would become slack in doing the exercises here at home and my arm would suffer.


I am trying to reclaim my house from all the "spreading" Stephanie and Kara have done since they returned. They have a portion of the living room as their bedroom and a portion for Kara's toys. That leaves very little for us to have a seating area for watching tv. The dining room is their closet and they have a lot of stuff in it. So, this past week, Harry and I started clearing mom's old room (I hate to admit she will not be able to come back home) and moving her bed so Stephanie could get her bedroom moved in. Steph has a lot of stuff and I am putting my foot down on where her stuff will live! Find a place in your room or throw it away!!!


Today, we did some cleaning of our room and the living room and I am tired, but a good tired. A tired that lets you know you accomplished something. Still a long way to go, but the house looks a little better.


Kara started back to school this past week and we are back in the "school mode". Up at 6:15 am, starting the coffee and preparing for Kara to wake up. Getting her dressed, fed, and lunch made is my morning routine and while she is doing bathroom stuff, I get dressed and then drive her to school. Harry gets to go in the afternoon to pick her up. It gives him time to spend with her before she gets home and is distracted with other things. I try to get her to do her homework early but that doesn't always work out.


Once Stephanie gets home from work, I am no longer the one in charge so I get to sit back and bite my tongue when I see things that need to be done and no one doing it; like homework, baths, dinner, bed at a reasonable time, etc. I could complain more, but...


As much as I hated having to move mom to the Care Center, I have been able to return to meeting with the saints on Sunday mornings. Over the past several months, I have had faithful sisters calling me for fellowship and Harry and I have enjoyed our morning time with the Lord, but I really missed the "face to face" with the saints here, so to be back in the meetings is wonderful. I try to share with mom the enjoyment from the meetings, and she seems to enjoy the sharing.

My arm is getting tired, so I am signing off for now...

Broken Shoulder - Chapter 2

This entry will be quick, I think...


After a few hours in the emergency room and x-rays on my shoulder, the doctors sent me home with my arm in a sling and heavy duty pain pills. I was told to see an orthopedic doctor the following Tuesday (I fell on a Thursday afternoon) I was told my humerus bone was broken...that's it, just broken. Oh and by the way, we don't splint or cast the upper arm. It gets to hang in a sling while it mends, but mine would need surgery...


I was not given the chance to view my x-rays. I asked, but the doctors conveniently forgot about my request.  When I finally saw the x-ray, I understood why they did not want to show it to me. I guess they were afraid I would become hysterical when I saw how many pieces of bone was floating in the shoulder joint.


I fell on the last day of March. On April 1st, I started calling friends and family and all thought I was trying to pull an April Fool's joke. Ha Ha! No Joke, folks. This was the real deal!


I had to be propped up on the sofa with lots of pillows and there I stayed for the next 11 days!!! Just to get up and get to the bathroom was a major ordeal. I needed help getting up, getting down, walking (drugged), bathing, etc. With much effort, I was able to take care of personal needs (know what I mean?) but I needed help pulling my pants up. How humbling! Harry finally had me naked in the shower, and he couldn't do anything about it, poor man!


Anyway, surgery day finally arrived. I went under and came out with new hardware in my shoulder, and a long recovery period ahead of me.


Slowly, slowly, over the past several weeks, I am beginning to use my arm in limited ways. To look at me, my arm looks normal just hanging by my side. But, when I start to use it, then the limitations can be seen. I still cannot raise it very high, and the physical therapist is working to improve that range of motion.


I guess long after therapy is over, I will be having to exercise my arm on my own. If I let a day go by without doing any stretching of it, I suffer the next day. Oh well, I am learning to deal with my limitations, day by day.


Oh, and in the midst of all that I have been going through, I have had to down-play just how bad it was so I could keep Mom's world as normal as possible. So while I have been in a sling and basically left handed, I have had to help her with all her physical needs. It's been a rough few months.


But praise the Lord. He is merciful and supplies us with His grace and peace. Each day is another chance to trust in Him, love Him, wait on Him, and speak Him to all we meet. And most times, we do!

Broken Shoulder! Chapter 1

I just read the first entry from March 29th.  Little did I know what would happen two days later!

I was looking at some plantings with Harry on the back patio and I had turned to go back inside. Walking and talking did me in. I stubbed my foot on a brick, tried desperately to catch myself, but found myself falling (it seemed like slow motion) face first down, down, down. Landed with the largest blow to my right shoulder with my right knee taking some of the pressure... I knew immediately that I had broken my arm - big time!

So, there I was. Moaning on the ground, holding my right arm, directing the girls to call 911 and to inform Mom before she saw me on the ground and worried.

Did I say worried? When Mom comprehended where I was, she started screaming! Yes, screaming! She completely lost any control she should have had. She was screaming, "My baby! My baby! I need to get to my baby. I want my arms around my baby!" Over and over and over. She was moving her wheel chair to the back door to see me, continuing to scream.  The girls had a real chore keeping her in her chair.  Did I mention she is wheel chair bound. She would not have been able to take one step toward me much less out and down from the back door and over to me.

The fire department arrived first. The firemen had to pass Mom to get to me, but were afraid she was going to stroke out or have a heart attack. I was the one hurt, but she was winding herself up! She would not listen to anyone. The EMS team had to divide themselves between me and her. If I twisted my neck and head, I could see her at the back door, and I was yelling "Mom! Mom! Look! I'm OK! Stop Screaming! Listen! I'm OK! Stop screaming!"  Instead of  being able to concentrate on my own needs, I was having to worry about her ending up stroking out!

When I was finally put on the gurney and they were trying to get me through the house, Mom was making their job harder by trying to stop the thing so she could "put her arms around her baby". I finally had to tell them to get me out of there. I needed to be in the hospital! My mother's concern did not offend me. No, in a way, it made me feel good to know she was so concerned, but in another way, it frustrated me to see her so out of control when I needed her to be in control. I was leaving the house without knowing if she would be alright... what a dilemma!

Vertigo!

OMG! If you have never experienced vertigo, let me tell you about it. Stand in place, spin around with your eyes closed, then stop, open your eyes and try to walk. I promise you will walk like a drunken sailor on the deck of a ship. Your movements will make you "seasick" and most likely you will break out in a sweat! At least that is what I have been experiencing for several weeks now.

About 10 years ago I had my first encounter with vertigo. I thought I would roll out of my bed. I was holding on for dear life and in reality I wasn't going anywhere, it just felt like it. The trip to the doctor's office had me close to losing what little I had in my stomach from the night before. I made Harry stand next to the examining table to keep me from rolling off. I thought at the time I was having a heart attack and was going to die.

That first time was intense. Over the years I have had small bouts of vertigo. Usually during the night as I would turn over in bed. These "spells" didn't last long. Mornings I was fine.

About 5 weeks ago I started having symptoms after getting up in the morning and they would last for several hours.  A trip to the doctor had me taking motion sickness pills which didn't work; just put me to sleep. The next doctor trip was to a specialist and he basically told me the same thing except he told me to expect at least 6 weeks of symptoms. Yikes!

I am going on week 6 and most days are without incident. The nights still have symptoms when I get up from the bed or when laying down. But it's not intense.

This morning, however, was a doozy! I was so dizzy I had to concentrate on not bumping into walls as I walked around. I was sick to my stomach and sweating like I had run a race. I took a motion pill (half of one) and I have been dozing on the sofa ever since. Starting to feel better, but being very aware when I get up to walk.

It will be a large adjustment if this condition in ongoing. I usually drive Kara to school in the morning after getting her up, dressed, fed, lunch made, etc. Harry had to drive her and that twists up our morning routines. I guess I will adjust to this if it turns out to be long term. My only concern is that it's not a symptom of something worse!! My overactive imagination is working overtime!